Category : Food for Thought

Animals don’t have a choice.
If they’re not happy with their place in the world… too bad.
They have to live the life they’ve been given.
Humans, on the other hand, don’t have to.
We have a choice.
If you don’t like your place in the world
you can get off anytime you want.
Suicide. That’s right.
You don’t like the way your life’s going,
you don’t like the way you are in the world,
anything around you,
you can check out anytime you like.
Animals aren’t allowed that thought
and believe me, if they were, they would use it.
There’d be a lot of dogs and cats, owned by assholes
that live in high-rises, diving out the windows.
Zebras… if they even had remotely that thought
would take a look at themselves and go, “What the F*#K!
Black & white in a green & brown world… this blows.
I’m just gonna jump in the river…. I don’t have a thumb to work a gun or hold a knife or even open a jar of pills. I’m just gonna dive into the next lion’s mouth. Why even bother?”
Now, monkeys have the opposable thumb so they could kinda do it the exact same way we do. Now, there’s a bunch of people that say, “Oh, it’s against the law”. Well, it’s only against the law if you do a crappy job and get caught. Other people say, “Oh, we should save them”. Yeah, well you know what? Not everybody wants to be saved. Not everybody should be saved. And who are we to force our will upon them? I mean, isn’t that one of the joys about being a human? Freedom of choice? Now, it’s not all bad. Now, I’m not saying “Kill yourself”. But if you’re gonna be an idiot and do it anyway, it’s no sweat off of my back. There’s a lot of good that could come from it. A little bit of bad thrown in. Some of the things: A job will open… An apartment will become available… There’ll be more air for me… They say there’s two girls for every guy – if you’re a man, there’ll be four chicks for me… There’ll be more Ketel One vodka for me… There’ll be one less idiot in line at the bank who gets up to the window without their F*#King slips filled out… I won’t ever have to go to the store to buy my favorite Salt & Vinegar Chips and have the clerk point at you and say, “They bought the last bag”…. You won’t help change the McDonald’s sign to a Hundred Billion Served… You’ll never get AIDS… You won’t have to worry about calories ever… No more, “Hey, does this make me look fat?”… There’ll be one less polluting human…You won’t have to recycle… There’ll be one less car on the road… There’ll be more Ring Dings for me… Fifty or so chickens’ lives will be spared… Your fingers won’t ever get red from eating pistachios… You won’t be forced to visit your Grandparents on Sundays anymore… No more church… You’ll be saying, “Hey, World – Kiss My Ass!”… No more wet dreams about Supermodels… No more Barry Manilow… For a few years anyway… Wondering “Am I a loser?” will be a thing of the past… Say good-bye to crappy Xmas presents from Aunts and Uncles… You won’t have to suffer through a Motley Crue reunion… F*#K flossing and brushing… You’ll never lose sleep over a pregnancy scare… Adios, Acne… Worrying whether you fit in or not won’t be on your brain… See ya later, homework… You’ll never have to sit through another movie brought to you by the creators of South Park… Schools out forever…. No more paying bills… You won’t have to do chores… You won’t be able to run over toads with the lawnmower though… You’ll also miss McDonald’s French Fries… Bugs Bunny… The amazing electrifying feeling that surges through your body when you kiss someone for the first time…
You won’t be able to watch the letterbox director’s cut of Jaws… Candy… Living above ground… Pudding crust… You’ll miss the rush of getting your first apartment… Getting to the point in your life where you can tell your parents to “F*#K Off! I gotta make my own mistakes….you did”… You’ll miss sex – you’ll miss thinking about it, looking for it, sex by yourself, sex with a partner, sex with multiple partners… No more summer nights that seem to go on forever… Roller coasters…. Naming your kid the name you always wanted… Making a difference in the world… You’ll miss the experience and pleasure of Hallucinogenics… Watching your neighbor’s wife change clothes with her blinds open… A lifetime of masturbating… Watching your favorite team sweep the series… Music… You will definitely miss music… Trying to sneak into your house drunk – three hours past your curfew… You’ll miss the blaze and glory of the 4th of July fireworks… The taste of Captain Crunch… If you’re a boy, you’ll miss the feeling the first time you reach up a girl’s shirt… If you’re a girl, the feeling the first time you reach down a boy’s pants… You’ll miss your favorite coat… Waffles with whipped cream and strawberries… Beating your friends at video games… You won’t be around to see what shape and color the new marshmallow in Lucky Charms will be… You’ll miss the feeling you get when reminiscing about your first love – thirty years after the fact… The joy of giving and receiving at Christmas… Skinny dipping… Getting stoned, reading Green Eggs & Ham, and eating like a horse that got loose in the grain bin… Flying cars… Hey, you were born – Finish what was started!

Courtesy of Bobby Gaylor

Here’s What I Got Out from the Boys!


Category : Food for Thought, Funny Things

Hey, girls! I told you I had fun this short holiday, right? I particularly enjoyed the time I spent with some of my male friends because I found a lot of interesting things about them, about how they perceive us, about what they think we should be doing and so on. Today, I’m going to share with you what some of the turnoffs for the boys related to the girls are. Please note that I am not talking in terms of woman vs. man, but in terms of girl vs. boy. You’ll understand.

Numero uno in the list of boyish turnoff is… bad breath. I believe that five out of six machos said that bad breath makes the top of their list of the things that turn them off. Honestly, that’s on the top of my list as well.

I was talking to a short guy, looking somewhat like 14 rather than what he declared (19… hyeah) and he said: “You know what turns me off the most? When girls laugh at everything you say.” Of course I started laughing! He’s foken right! It’s so damn ridiculous!!! It’s like

  • “Heeey, what’s up? :wink:
  • “hahaha, oh, hahaha, you’re so funny!”

No, he’s not!

Oh, speaking of that, the next thing that turns boys off, apparently, is when a girl talks too much. Wait… did I say “apparently”? Lol! Diddoooo!!! A guy which we will call… Alex… confessed to me “I swear I had this girl who would call me at five o’clock in the morning (<<OMG, I know it’s five in the morning, but I can’t sleep. Guess what happened to me today?>>) … talk to me for half an hour (<<And then she said that… and then I went to… and then… and then>>… and yell at me because I hung up the phone the night before (<<OMG, did you just hung up on me????>>) . Fuck, woman! I need to get some sleep!”.

Niiiiexttt in line: “I simply hate it when you girls can’t make up your damn mind. You just don’t realize how hard it is for us to keep pace with you when you can’t make up your mind. It’s like <<So, where do you wanna go today?>> << Oh, I know, let’s go play pool! No, wait, let’s go eat at KFC’s. No, wait, let’s go see a movie!>> FFS, we’re simple creatures, how many things can you ask at once?”

Mr. T says that one of the biggest turn offs for him is when a girl has bitchy ass friends who judge him for everything he does and spill all sorts of poisons in his girl’s ears: <<OMG, did you see what clothes he wears? OMG, did he get them from the second hand store? OMG, girl, whatever, he gave me that look! OMG, girl, on a scale from 1 to ten: eeeewww!>> and so on and so forth…

“You know what else is a big turn off?” says B. “When you’re walking on the street and you see this cute girl and she smiles at you and you go crazy… and then she lifts her arms and… oh, man!  Shave your armpits, girl! That is disgusting!”

Yeh, no shit? I agree!

Surprisingly (not really!), one of my interviewees said that he gets turned off when a girl gets too sexual. And I agree to that to be honest. There’s no nastier thing than a skanky attitude!

  • Boy: “So… this is a pretty cool first date”
  • Girl: “It is pretty cool. It’s actually pretty cold in here, my nipples are so hard they could cut glass!”
  • “Ummm… yeah… Ummm… do you wanna go see a movie or something?”
  • “If by movie you mean your hot body soaked in oil slapped across my face, then yes”
  • “Errrr… I was actually thinking more of like a movie… like in a movie theater… “
  • “If by movie theater you mean me, butt ass naked, with my ankles behind your ears, then yes, I wanna go to a movie theater. “
  • “Right… how about we should just eat?”
  • “Sounds good if you wanna eat my pu…”
  • “Check!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Haha! LOL!  So… if you’re a guy… what turns you off in a girl? And, if you’re a girl… what turns YOU off in a guy? I have my own turn offs myself, maybe I’ll share them with you some time soon…

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