iamamiwhoami; play


Play the ball as it lies, play the course as you find it, and if you cannot do either, do what is fair.



play - v. intr. to occupy oneself in amusement, sport, or other recreation; to take part in a game; (in music) to emit sound or be sounded in performance; - v. tr. to pretend to be, mimic the activities of; to use or manipulate, especially for one’s own interests; - n. fun or jesting

Lyrics (approx.):

Moving close now
Your hands just knock me off my feet
Yeah, like a puppet now
I cannot move to my own beat

But I can dance tonight
and make up songs for us to sing
You hold my heart because it’s cheap
And to your rhythm I will shout
my love for play

Lala la la lala la lala la la la ( la x 90 )
Lala la la lala la lala la la la
Lala la la lala la lala la la la
Lala la la lala la lala la la la

Lala la la lala la lala la la la
Lala la la lala la lala la la la
Lala la la lala la lala la la la
Lala la la lala la lala la la la

Take off your hat
and pull a rabbit out for me
I’m like a lark, now
I play on my back and on my knees
(I play on my back and on my my my my ma)

So I will
Run, now. Run, now
Run, now. Run, now
Run, now. Run, now
Run, now. Run, now

But I can dance tonight
and make up songs for us to sing (I can play on my back and knees)
You hold my heart because it’s cheap (I play with my self it seems)
And to your rhythm I will shout
my love for play

Lala la la lala la lala la la la ( la x 90 )
Lala la la lala la lala la la la
Lala la la lala la lala la la la
Lala la la lala la lala la la la

Lala la la lala la lala la la la
Lala la la lala la lala la la la
Lala la la lala la lala la la la
Lala la la lala la lala la la la

Dance, now. Dance, now
Dance, now. Dance, now
Dance, now. Dance, now


There are some bits missing, but, as expected, we’re in the field we were left in at the end of good worker. We can only assume Clump has dragged MO up to the road and now he’s releasing her, removing the white cloth that was keeping her imprisoned. Of course, I immediately think of a straightjacket a mentally deranged person wears during treatment, to prevent harming itself. Clump pushes MO away, the latter turns towards him, reluctant, he gives her a ‘go on, you’re on your own, go!’ gesture and she leaves. Notice the motion is still from right to left, she’s still traveling back (or maybe deeper under – the audio behind these images really comes to sustain this idea).

To me, the fact that she’s not fully dressed in the Clump suit, but only wearing it on her shoulders sounds like a wolf dressed into a sheep. It appears that the only way to travel on this level of consciousness, you have to become a part of it, look like the things ‘inhabiting’ it. Thus the suit becomes a means of protection. I cannot omit mentioning that it reminds me of the knight suit CU wears in Y.


As we move forward, we can see MO cutting the field, looking back from time to time. She doesn’t appear to know where she’s going, she just know she’s moving closer to something. We can now notice that she carries a golf club in her hand. It’s an instrument, just like the sword in drops. But what is it for? She first drags it along, then she uses it as a cane, then she uses it to test the field, after which she knows what it is and ‘bats’ it, as if ready to hit the ball, and in the end, she points it towards the sky. An elongation of her hand. It’s the sky she wants to reach (it was the sky she was aiming at during good worker as well). Which is funny, because when we think of golf, we think of holes in the ground.

One interesting thing: is it a coincidence that the golf club looks like the musical symbol for a note? I don’t think so. And the track being called play? This might as well be a confession of iam’s love for music. A statement that through music you are enabled to reach certain levels of the self, why not. I’m saying this because in the next images, she’s using the club as a cane, wearing it reversed (still looks like a note). If you want, it also looks like an I. Which I don’t think it’s a coincidence either.

Due to the presence of heavy, cloudy weather and lightning in the distance, and the fact that MO points the metal golf club towards the sky, there’s a general belief that she desires to be struck by lightning. There are no clear images to suggest this, but the way she looks in the following footage could imply that it has happened. A violent enlightenment?

Next images show MO in a dark place which reminds us of the barn in the last pre-video and the hut in O. She’s standing in an open door, light strobes hitting her face from time to time, just like lightnings. Is she home? Has she made it to the place she’s been traveling towards ever since sever? She does look like she’s comfortable here and she appears to be the mistress of the house, her posture and moves speak so. In the middle of this wooden room, a familiar figure: the Clump creature. He’s everywhere she goes! And he appears to be happy to see her now, look at him shaking it!

I remember when we first saw the five Clump creatures at the end of drops, we were hoping for a dancing spree and here we have it, finally, exactly how we imagined it. It appears that dance has a particular meaning with iamamiwhoami. I am thinking communion and letting go of the body and mind, setting both of them into motion and harmonizing them with the beat of music and the kinetics of other dancers.


The thing I have noticed about this special dance in play is that it’s a little bit chaotic towards the end. If you look at the beginning of the second stanza, MO tries to make the Clump synchronize its moves to hers. See how she moves her arms and legs when she sings so I will run now, run now. She tries to keep it organized (keep her mind, thoughts, imagination organized, have control upon them), she even tries to impose some choreography, as opposed to the dance in sever, she’s the one leading now, she closes her eyes and continues dancing with him.

What she didn’t expect was for him to start multiplying again. She doesn’t open her eyes until she’s hit by one of the clumps, she doesn’t notice things getting out of control. While she lets her body and mind loose, something else is being unleashed as well, five times more powerful. Those Clumps really are unpredictable and each moves at its own will now, each on his own beat and style. Towards the end, MO does not feel she can keep pace, she doesn’t like the chaos around her (she just sees it), she’s overwhelmed, the clumps have become so many and so independent they don’t even take notice she’s among them anymore and they hit her while they dance, they have the potential to hurt her. That’s the individual losing control of his mind. The hit in the head is a wake up call, a moment of lucidity in a deranged person’s mind, the moment she realizes that what is going on is not right, things are out of control, too many uncoordinated dancers, the floor is unbalanced. Maybe this deep dark barn is not the place to be in either. This is not home and she’s not one of the clumps. So she leaves the dance floor and retreats into the shade, her eyes, wide open and aware now, seeking for an exit once again.


I cannot deny this is a very sexual track. I knew it would be something special ever since the sample has emerged. I do not know whether this is a collaboration with other another artist or not (probably not), I just know that the shift iamamiwhoami has taken with play is good news. Can’t help but wonder what’s installed for us next.

Again, I have to mention that for me, the fact that the videos go from light to dark and the covers go from dark to light is a sign of self discovery. Diving deep within to discover one’s iamness.

In the end, I’m going to include some words of David Lynch’s wisdom:

It’s better not to know so much about what things mean or how they might be interpreted or you’ll be too afraid to let things keep happening. Psychology destroys the mystery, this kind of magic quality. It can be reduced to certain neuroses or certain things, and since it is now named and defined, it’s lost its mystery and the potential for a vast, infinite experience.

I partially agree with  It’s better not to know so much about what things mean or how they might be interpreted. I think that if I replaced ‘know’ with something else, the meaning of his statement would become invalid. It’s not that you have to know what they mean when someone already knows (! if) and they share it. It’s what it means for you and how you interpret it that matters. These things cannot be avoided. Everything the eye sees, the brain processes, therefore everything has a meaning. Lack of meaning means something too! Whatever I am doing in these posts on forsakenorder.com is not intended to make the mystery and magic dissolve. It’s just how I see things at one point. I am totally for infinite experience. Anyway, it’s this feeling I’ve been having with the kin series, I don’t particularly want to write an article immediately when a video appears. Sometimes I fight myself to do it.

I think this cookie crumbles just the right way and at a right speed. The experiencing of their music is becoming richer and more savory. Shall we let music take over? Sure… but it’ll never be just about music with iamamiwhoami, will it?

Read 2020k’s wonderful audio analysis of play here.

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Comments (9)

I really love what you’re doing here. And I especially love that you let the article come to you instead of writing it immediately. It gives me a chance to try and figure it out myself, and I love to compare the little details we each pick up on. And thanks for that Lynch quote. Added it to my favorites. xxoo

Really good analysis, as usual.
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but in the middle of the video when she arrives in the barn, there is a shot (2:36) where we see her putting her hands on the head of the clump. The hair of the beast and their color immediately reminded me here of the little girl MO is searching in ‘clump’ : in the end of the video when she finds her in the field, there is this shot (3:49) where she also puts her hands on her head. I don’t know if this comparison has to be taken into account, indeed I’m not really sure there is a special link between the clump and the little girl, but the thing is it appeared to me very suddenly when i saw “play” the first time. So if you also agree and find an interpretation keep me updated!
Thanks for all you put on your blog, btw :)

@Logan appreciate it, and you’re welcome, that quote speaks a lot indeed :)
@Matthieu that image did trigger the clump video gesture of touching the little Clump’s hair in my mind as well, yet with ‘play’ I see it more like a sign of domination from MO’s part (submission from Clump’s part). You know… he’s tall and much bigger than her and she sets things straight, showing him who’s in charge, who leads the dance. Few seconds later she almost wipes the floor with him, haha.
Thank you for reading and for your input as well :)

from the david lynch quote onwards,
one sees this interpretative egg begin to crack/quack
and fold in upon itself…
it pains me…

I need you to be a little bit more specific, phoenix. Speak your heart out and let the words hit me the right way ;)

[...] be one of the most boggling videos of all. Loads of theories surround it, and of course everything ForsakenOrder types up makes for a fascinating read (a tip of the fedora for his David Lynch quote). It’s [...]

I have a theory that those giant monsters are not clump. In Drops you can see clump looking out the window while MO drops through the floors. I think those are an entirely new creature – taking MO out of the capture of CU, or probably the people using her in ;John. I believe they brought MO to the site of the concert in order to ‘recharge’ her because this is a very special place – one that has not only appeared in several videos, but was also the site that the mystery of the animals in the number series was revealed. I think these creatures are using MO much like Cu and the others, but in a potentially more dangerous way. They transform her into something like them, while in ;John she was just changed to better use (given a mask and a suit that had snaps in all the right places). I would be interested in your thoughts on this. I think the golf club in the sky is a very clear indicator of the notion of ‘recharging’. I also think at the end of Play MO realizes what has happened. I am just curious about what will happen in UN_Due Order…..

Hi, BoW!

It is a possibility that the big clumps (btw, I’ve mentioned it before, we started calling them ‘clumps’ as a convention and we left the little one as ‘little clump’, not necessarily because we believe the large ones are ‘grown up’ small one – lol, hope that makes sense) are a different type of creature.
As for the type of relationship MO has with them, it really looks like a love-hate one. However, they do resemble the men in B in behavior at times. I like the fact that you see that the ‘clumps’ are potentially more dangerous than the them. But do you agree that sometimes their body language suggests they’re on the good side?
One very interesting thing that has emerged yesterday was the fact that JL has 4 sisters and a brother, which makes 5 siblings, therefore 6 Lee children. I don’t particularly find this to be connected, but it’s a nice number, you know? :)
I am as curious with regards to the development of ‘un_due order’.

I think it’s alright to find ones’ own meaning in art like this, but, I think you might be a bit too preoccupied with “nailing it” definitively, even if you yourself know that there can be no consensus despite, you still for some reason would like to believe that your interpretations are known and respected.

I like the analysis part of your work. The way you call attention to details opens the door to possibilities.

The beauty of iamamiwhoami’s work really is in the multitude of interpretation; I don’t like that I find myself slowly pinning it to a single story (namely the inner world of her side of an actual, hot-cold relationship) when not knowing, and letting it feed unique dreams felt much more enjoyable. I hope that Jonna’s next album plays to that strength and that the material (both lyrically, musically, and visually) becomes more varied and genre-bending, and avoiding definitive interpretation.

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