Yeah, so I have this weight problem, as in I am very skinny and I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want without any foken thing I eat to be put on. I eat when I’m hungry and if that happens at midnight, then I get out of my bed and go to the fridge, eat, come back to bed and sleep, LOL! Nothing to do with bulimia, everything to do with HUNGER.

Last night it happened again, me getting hungry around midnight. Got my ass out of me bed and went straight to the fridge when, all of a sudden, what do my eyes see?

I didn’t have time to ask anything ’cause the famished creature vanished into the night. All I got to see was that she was a woman. A hot woman. A hungry hot woman.

Another problem I have is that I shave my legs on the last minute if I have to go anywhere with my girls and it often happens that my girls do that too, only in my bathroom. See they come to my place and they’re like “Let’s go party!”, then they get into my bathroom and start shaving their legs, leaving me with no other option than to shave me legs in the fucking kitchen sink. Pshhh, shut up, like you’ve never done that! It’s sexy, your neighbor is quite happy with the view and you have constant help in the garden if you know what I mean.

Last night it happened again, my girls coming to my place around 1 am with a “let’s go party” warrior scream and with a deep need to shave their legs in my bathroom. Got my ass out of me bed and went straight to the kitchen sink to shave mine, when, all of a sudden, what do my eyes see?

I didn’t have time to ask anything ’cause the creature vanished into the night once more. All I got to see was that she was the same woman. The hot woman. And she had great legs.

Another problem I have is that you cannot talk to me in the morning. Why? Because I have my morning routine to undergo, which includes my bathing in the sun, on my favorite lounge, in my favorite bathing suit, wearing my favorite white shoes. Don’t ask. It’s a… fetish. Like you’ve never had one! It’s sexy, your neighbor enjoys the view, and you have constant help with your pool cleaning, if you know where I hint at!

So this morning it happened again, the need for a sun bathe. Only this morning I could not find my bathing suit, nor my white shoes. “Hmmm… Could I have left them near the pool?” I asked myself. “Maybe. Must check!” So I go to my yard, when all of a sudden, what do my eyes see?

I didn’t have time to ask anything ’cause the creature vanished right away, into the pool, through the fence, via my neighbor’s garden, maaaan! All I got to see was that she was the same woman. The hot woman. And she had my bathing suit and my shoes. Dammit!

“That’s it!” I said and this evening I set myself in a dark corner of the kitchen, waiting. “I shall catch this woman, see who she is, ask for my stuff back and ask what the hell she is doing in my house.” As I was thinking of the ways in which I would kick her ass or something, the woman appeared in my kitchen again. Took a look to the right, a look to the left, then direction fridge. Opens the fridge, takes a cold beer, my snacks and my peanut butter. “My peanut butter???? Oh, no, you won’t!” I said out loud! The woman turns towards me, when, all of a sudden, what do her eyes see?

Nothing, ’cause I smacked her right in the face! She’s crying in my backyard as we speak.