Doctor Said…

4

…I should get some rest.

Friday, right after work, I went to the ophthalmologist because I felt a lot of tension in my left eye. So I took my friend, D., and went to the closest clinic. “I know this lady, she’s very good”, D. told me. And I took her word, went to the clinic, paid for the consultation and went upstairs to wait for the lady doctor.

As we were sitting on some uncomfortable chairs, me mumbling and rumbling “If she’s late more than 15 minutes, I’m going after my money and leave”, D. says: “You know, I forgot to tell you something”. “What?”, I ask. “Well, don’t get scared when you see her.” I’m like…“WTF…is she nuts? I’ve seen nuttier doctors, don’t worry.”

D.: “Nah, she’s not nuts, she’s ok, but she has a way of wearing makeup.”

Me: “Oh, ok, that’s ok…ummm…wait….do you think I would startle when I see her? I mean I want to control myslef, I don’t want to make her feel like I’m staring. Is it that look at me, my makeup is wacky?”

D.: “Ummm…hhhyeah, sort of, but don’t worry, you’ll be fine, you won’t lose control.”

So the doctor is only 10 minutes late. I heard her coming up the stairs and kept speaking to me “Don’t startle, don’t look too much”. I turned and say hello….my heart stopped. I only looked for one second and turned away towards D., saying “Hello”. The doctor enters her room and I waited for her to get ready. Meanwhile, I’m trying to calm myself down: “Dari, when you enter, you will not laugh, you will not stare, you will not analyze, you will not…”

Doctor: “Yes, next please!”

Me: “Oh, that would be me. Hello!”

And I start seeing: she’s around 50, or at least that’s what she looks like with that makeup. Her hair was black as hell, she had a face lift done, therefore she looked like her face was drawn backwards, she does her eyebrows and eyes with black pencil, but the most shocking things were her lips. Man, those lips were EXTREME! I could not take my eyes of them. Simply because they were practically drawn with black pencil and fiery red lipstick, but way over the lips, man, they were like a rubber doll’s lips, thrice their normal size, going up to her nose, coming down to her chin. I’m telling you I could not not stare. And she begins:

“Come here, sit in front of the microscope, I want to have a look at your eyes.”

She has a look, she’s saying something, then she tests my far and close view…how? Well:

“Look at me.”

I’m dieing now….

“Ok, now look over my shoulder, right next to my ear.”

Great, now I can see the face lift scars.

“Look right into my eyes.”

Daaaaaaaaaayyyyuuuummmmm!!!!

“Now let’s test how you see with some lenses.”

Lenses? Lenses as in parts of glasses?

“Read this. Read that. Look at me.”

Woman, don’t make me look at you with lenses, you mad or something?

“Ooookkkkkkk…You need to wear glasses when you work at the computer.”

Glasses? Fuck off, I’m not wearing glasses, not until I’m 40 or something, IF I need them.

“Your eyes are very tired, I recommend a lot of sleeping, I’m also going to give you some eye drops.”

Other eye drops? LOL

“You’re fine in the rest, this tension you felt is due to the amount of hours you spend in front of the computer.”

No shit? I work 8 hours at work and I spend other 4-5 at home, I’m doomed.

Anyway, I took the medicines, I took the glasses recommendation, took D., felt sorry for paying a lot of money for looking at a way too bad makeup and went to the city, on a freaking rainy weather, to have some fun. I’m going to use the eye drops and see how I feel after, but I’m not rushing to have my glasses done, at least not yet.

Comments (4)

One of the most funniest post on your blog. Funny as it can be!!! :) I can’t stop laughing and my friends either.

Dios, very funny indeed! Great experience! I would have not been able not to laugh or something ;)

mwahaha….I’m a tough nut to crack

I think she burned your eyeballs…no wonder u need glasses now ;)

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